Creative juices
After my first post I thought to myself “I’ll do this every other week!” And then, two weeks later, I said I’ll do this next week. And the next. And I think we all know how that goes so this is just gonna happen when it happens and that’s OK.
I’m grateful for the slowness that is Fall, gently winding everything down and tucking us in. I’ve had my hands full of mini projects lately, lots of odds and ends and a lot that isn’t actually painting related. Near the end of last year I started to get really burnt out on painting. I had taken on too many projects and was overwhelmed. I lost my desire to paint while also falling into this spiral of “shoulds” that were making my already anxious mind go into some pretty rough places. I needed a way out. I signed up for a wildcrafting herbalism class to try something new, to get out of the house, and to really do something for myself after a year of a lot of fear and (more) anxiety and isolation. It was only four weeks but it opened up my mind to a whole new world of creativity and calm that I had been missing. I proceeded to sign up for a six month apprenticeship the following Spring and now, as I reach the final weekend this month, I’m realizing just how much it has sparked a new wave of creative energy in me. There are countless plants, places to discover them, books to read about them, and 1,000,001 potions and medicines and oils that you can make out of them. The learning never ends. I love working with my hands. I love making things that are beautiful or healing or bring joy to people's lives in some small way. It has also given me an opportunity to reconnect with nature in an entirely new way. It has helped me to slow down when I’m outside and to notice what’s around me, to listen to what plants are trying to get my attention, knowing I may need them. I have seen more beautiful moments of synchronicity between plants and between people than ever before. Don't get me wrong, I still shred through via mountain bike now and again, but it’s all about balance right? The intentional slowness and listening has been a salve for my busy worrying mind.
Walking away from painting momentarily felt super scary. It felt like the identity I had been building so steadily was taking a hit and suddenly I didn't know who I was going to be. What I can see now is that the gift that this work with plants brings me helps to expand my creativity in every other area of my life and only deepens my practice in those spaces. I’ve found a new flow in my painting subjects that are deeply connected to my experiences outside in community with nature. There is a new calmness and connectedness I've been blessed to receive as a tool. As someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time, this quite literally affects everything. It’s not only the medicine of the plants themselves helping but also being outside, tuning into the rhythms of nature, being connected with the flora and fauna, being present when processing plants, giving thanks and gratitude for what I’m taking. It’s not a simple pill or a magic solution but rather a process that is ingrained in each step of the journey. And it flows out into every other area in my life like a little ripple.
I will probably share more about this along with my art moving forward. They feel so separate sometimes but also deeply intertwined at levels I’m still figuring out. I’m grateful that I get to share all of these gifts with the people that I love - as messy and tangled as it may feel.